Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Just a day, just an ordinary day

I'm going out today to get some pencils and sketching paper. I've got all these ideas for photo shoots that I want to do and I want to get them drawn before I start them. Now I've just got to find one of my friends brave enough to pose through all my crazy ideas.

Wish me luck.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Christians don't judge


Finally found it! I've been searching for information on what the Bible says about marijuana use. I like many Americans enjoy the sensations from marijuana use. This doesn't mean I'm an addict or a bad person. I'm not hurting anyone when I smoke. My kids never see, hear or smell it. It's never around them. I use it like some use a glass of wine, like a night cap. I'm a much more relaxed and happy person when I know I can take a little time to myself at night and smoke.

Baby fever...nope not me

I love my boys. I love how small their hands are and how soft and fragile they are in my palm. I love to brush their hair and pick out cute clothes for them. I love to read their favorite stories over and over to them. I love taking walks with them hand in hand. I love when they fall asleep beside me and I can hear their little snores. There are so many reasons to want children. To be able to give and get love unconditionally is an amazing gift.

As much as I love my boys, I also see the hardships of having children. Worrying about them almost every second of the day. Protecting without over protecting. Balancing being a parent vs being their friend. The cost of all their needs and wants. Loss of sleep and alone time and time with other children.

Again I love my two boys, I wouldn't trade them for anything anyone could offer me. But the decision to have another child is one that I am not taking lightly. I'm doing everything in my power to avoid a pregnancy right now, the natural way of course. I'm just not ready to give anymore of myself to another child. Wow now that I wrote that it seems a bit selfish. Selfish or not, it's the truth.

It won't be like this for long

I can never change the past. So why is it that I spend so much time dwelling on it?

I'm happy right now, in this moment, in the last few moments actually. I'm starting to see that I have control over this. I have the control to make myself happy. And I'm enforcing it.