I love my boys. I love how small their hands are and how soft and fragile they are in my palm. I love to brush their hair and pick out cute clothes for them. I love to read their favorite stories over and over to them. I love taking walks with them hand in hand. I love when they fall asleep beside me and I can hear their little snores. There are so many reasons to want children. To be able to give and get love unconditionally is an amazing gift.
As much as I love my boys, I also see the hardships of having children. Worrying about them almost every second of the day. Protecting without over protecting. Balancing being a parent vs being their friend. The cost of all their needs and wants. Loss of sleep and alone time and time with other children.
Again I love my two boys, I wouldn't trade them for anything anyone could offer me. But the decision to have another child is one that I am not taking lightly. I'm doing everything in my power to avoid a pregnancy right now, the natural way of course. I'm just not ready to give anymore of myself to another child. Wow now that I wrote that it seems a bit selfish. Selfish or not, it's the truth.